🔗 Share this article

Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|